The Existential Treadmill: Competitive Walking for the Terminally Confused

Consider a man walking fast. He is probably late for a rendezvous with destiny.

But what about consistently fast walkers?

Under normal conditions, these individuals are purposeful and mildly constrained by time.

Or they simply value time enough to negotiate more aggressively with their legs.(Alternatively, the bladder has declined to assume responsibility for non-cooperation.)

Both are plausible.

The second explains more than people admit.

No one asked further.

◇ ——— ◇ ——— ◇

Now consider a slow walker.

We will call him Matthew. The name was selected arbitrarily and carries no legal implications.

Slow walking is often misread as calm.

It is not always calm.

There are at least two distinct categories:

The first moves slowly because there is no urgency.

Nothing is being chased. Nothing is escaping.

This is controlled movement. Time is not pressing. It is being allowed.

The second moves slowly for a different reason.

Attention is elsewhere.

The body continues. The mind has already left.

The stride becomes inconsistent — not in speed, but in intention.

Small hesitations appear. Micro-adjustments without visible cause.

They are not navigating the environment.

They are navigating internal noise.

From a distance, both look identical.

Up close, the difference is structural.

One is present.The other is delayed.

Most observers classify both as “slow.”

This is inaccurate.

◇ ——— ◇ ——— ◇

People walk slowly or quickly.

Usually both.

It amounts to the same thing.